


In Which John And Dave Meet On A Dating Website

by Egbert_Strider_Vantas



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, Maybe more characters, Multi, Online Dating, dating website, i'm p much winging this, idk - Freeform, idk about the alpha kids, maybe more relationships, probably?, we shall see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-11 21:11:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5642113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Egbert_Strider_Vantas/pseuds/Egbert_Strider_Vantas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose Lalonde thinks that Dave needs to get out more. Meet new people.</p><p>Jade Harley wants her brother to be happy.</p><p>Both decide that signing their brothers up on Skaia, the biggest dating website on the internet so far, is the right decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's For The Irony

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Homestucks! This is my first fic here on the Archive. And, well, my first fic ever! I couldn't NOT make this one happen. It's my only good idea for JohnDave so far.
> 
> OOCness is probably everywhere in here. I apologize.
> 
> If you've got a prompt/idea for this, or maybe you want me to write something, I'd love to hear it! No guarantees though.
> 
> Maybe the chapters will get longer! That'll be fun. Right now, I'm shooting for ~1200 words a piece.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you are not in the mood for dealing with your sister right now.

Your sister, Rose, had decided that you needed to “meet someone new” and “forge new bonds.”

She had also decided that the best way to do so was to date.

Which brings you to where you are now.

Currently, you are being dragged by the arm into your kitchen, where your beloved sister has your computer running on the table.

“Really, Dave,” she says, still forcing you to come closer and closer to her desired destination. “it would be best for you to at least answer the questions. They really aren’t that hard.”

“No, Rose, you don’t understand. It isn’t that the questions are hard, it’s that I simply don’t want to answer them right now. All I want to do is go back to my turntables. Need I remind you that you so rudely interrupted me from them?”

“Dave, your immaturity is appalling.”

So what if you were acting like a whiney seven-year-old that was being forced to go to the mall? In fact, that mall had exactly zero stores with any kind of video games or records on their shelves, and that made it worse. So much worse. Seriously, why coulldn’t they grace that mall with even a GameStop? It’s like a staple for good shopping.

Oh yeah. Rose.

“Excuse me, I am not ‘immature,’” you scoff, even adding air quotes with your one free hand. “If anything, you are the immature one, not me.”

“Oh, I am, am I?” she starts. A smirk graces her features; her eyes glitter. “Could this have psychological meaning to you, Dave? Do you struggle with your self-image? Perhaps you think that you are too much of a child. Maybe you think that you never truly grew up. We could talk about this, you know. I offer therapy for this sort of thing.”

You groan. Of course Rose would try and make this a therapy session. There is no way that you are going to let that happen. She takes too much enjoyment trying to read your every thought. And then, she writes it all down in a lavender notebook, like it’s all an experiment she needs to record for future reference. You aren’t in the mood for that shit.

“Rose. Rose. Do not make this one of your little sessions. You thirst for the things people tell you. I’ve seen the ways your eyes light up when someone spills their secrets to you. That someone being me.”

You had a bit of a sexuality crisis when you were around 13. Rose had helped you out- if "helped" was a correct term for what she did. You guessed it: the self-proclaimed therapist made you spill, then she gave you advice. You had met a cute little shouty kid, Karkat Vantas, and he had stolen your heart. But, you two really didn’t work for each other, so you split it off. He seemed to understand it too, but nevertheless, he made you promise to still be friends. Sadly, you two rarely talked to each other through high school, and you never sought out contact information before graduation, so you have no way of contacting him. He never even gave you a phone number, not even when you two were together. You have no means of ever contacting him again now that school’s over.

You’re in college now, taking a few classes here and there. Mostly, though, you work part-time at a record shop down-town. You also like to think of yourself as a free-lance photographer; you take pictures of places and people when inspiration strikes. Needless to say, you tend to carry around a camera most of the time, especially when you go out of the house.

Why are you having an inner monologue about your life? Of course you already know what’s happened to you. You’re you, of course.

Oh, wait, Rose is talking to you again. Better listen.

“-understand that this may be tough for you right now. But for all you know, you could meet your soulmate on this site. Or you could find someone who breaks your heart so badly that it ends up in pieces all over the floor, left for me to clean up all on my own. Either is a possibility.”

By now, you’re already in your actual kitchen. All of this talking and thinking has distracted you from your position in your house. It looks like Rose has won this match. You weren’t really trying, though. You could beat her most days, but those skinny arms of hers do pack quite a punch. They also have a strong grip. You’re contemplating why you could ever challenge her authority.

You could never sacrifice your manhood in something trivial like this, so that’s why you challenged her by resisting. Huh. Funny how inner monologues can make you remember stuff that you had just forgotten about.

Rose would probably get a kick out of that one.

Now that you look over at the table a second time, you notice a plastic red cup- for the irony, of course- filled with the sweet elixir of the gods. AJ.

That sister of yours really came through this time.

“Ok, Rose. I’ll let you make me a profile. I wouldn’t do this if you didn’t drag me across my own house and given me AJ. Consider yourself lucky.”

“Duly noted.”

You sit down at the chair with the apple juice. She sits down at another seat, this one with the computer open in front of it. Rose moves a little bit, adjusting her posture. Then, she elegantly sets her fingers down on the keys. It reminds you of cracking your knuckles before you get to work.

“Alright, Dave. In order to set up a profile, you have to answer some questions.”

“Yeah, yeah, sis. Just ask me already. I’d like to make this quick, spare me some pain.”

**.o0o.**

“Alright. Name, age, sexual preference, zip code. Done. Email address, done. Password?” At that, she turns the computer to face me. I type in the password I use for everything and sit back, sipping AJ.

She evidentially has reached another page with more questions. You scoot your chair over to hers to see what she’s doing.

After about five minutes of watching her peck away at the keys, she leans back slightly. Her form of slouching back, you suppose. The computer is then turned towards you. You look it over. She added a picture of you that you had saved on the computer. You were smirking. A lot of your selfies are like that. With that process now complete, you let out a sigh of relief, gulp down the last of your liquid elixir, and get up.

“Now that that’s done, I’ll be in my room if you need me again,” you say as you turn around and head back to your room.

Your hand reaches the doorknob. It turns, and you enter your room, closing the door.

You work on one of your newer songs, which is just a remix of a rap you had written and recorded. After about an hour, you get the urge to snack on something, so you pause making music for a minute so that you could get some snacks. You take off your headphones, grab your phone, and head to the kitchen. You're part of the way through pouring yourself some AJ when your phone goes off. You look at the notification.

Text from: unknown number.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade sends Dave a message. John agrees to try this whole "dating" thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we meet John and Jade! This is from John's POV. I hope you enjoy it.

"Jaaaaaade!" You whined. "Why are you even on Skaia right now? On _my_ account? And why are you looking at a profile? I don't even know this person, whoever it is!"

"Because, John, you need to get out more, make some friends," she says. Her eyebrows waggle as she adds, "Nab a boyfriend."

You start to add something, but she keeps talking. "And because you 'don't even know' him, let me tell you some stuff about him, 'kay?" She looks back at the computer. "His name's Dave Strider. He's 23, like you, and lives around here. He enjoys music, namely rapping and turntables. And to be honest with you, he's pretty cute too!"

"Bluh. Jade, first of all, reading me stuff off of his profile isn't the same as actually getting to know him. Second of all, if you're trying to set me up with somebody, it might help not to take an interest in them."

She scoffs as her checks start to take on a redder hue. "I am totally not interested in Dave! I just said he's cute." You roll your eyes at that. "Ugh, whatever, John. Whether you like it or not, I messaged Dave, and that's that. If he's interested, I am so setting up a date between you too!" Jade squeals in delight. It reminds you of a strangled pig.

"Look, I appreciate it, I really do, but... I don't think that being in a relationship is a good idea. I don't have the time, y'know?" you shrug.

"Oh. My. God. You not having time for a relationship is a total lie! You watch movies, like, all day. And no offense," this can't be anything from offensive, "but they kinda suck. Not everyone thinks that Nic Cage is a gift from above."

Ok, so you might not like him as much as when you were younger, but Cage is still really awesome. You particularly like Con Air- the bunny scene would always make you cry when you were younger. To this day, you get a little weepy. His work is cinematic gold.

"You just can't recognize true acting." You sound like you're seven.

She pouts, but waves a dismissive hand. "Whatever," she says, looking at the monitor. "I'm messaging this guy."

Jade began to type, pausing and thinking every few seconds. You walk over and try to see what she's doing-

-and she grabs your phone from your pocket.

"Master prankster can't even keep his own phone from his sister!" she giggles, running away. You're kind of puzzled, though. Why would she take your phone now, of all times? You start to wonder about this as you dart after her, but the thought is abandoned as you give chase. You thought she ran this way... no, Jade isn't in any of the rooms in the hall. That just left one more place, the dining room, but she wouldn't be so stupid as to let herself be in a big open space, where you could easily spot her. Right?

The dining room was empty as well. You narrowed your eyes, calling out to your sister. She made a fatal mistake- giggling. You had her now!

You sprinted over to the guest bedroom in the hall, where you where sure it had come from. You're not even totally sure how she had gotten there- you just checked it. Anyways, you were right, of course. Jade was huddled in between the bed and the wall, all scrunched up and huddled over your phone. She was typing something.

She looked up, surprised. "You can have it. I've already sent it!" She giggled. You snatch your phone out of her outstretched hand, and she has the smuggest expression ever on her face. You look at the screen, and there isn't an application open. It's on the home screen. She closed something last minute. You look suspiciously at the screen- and, finding nothing out of place, you turn your attention to your oh so loving sister.

The female in front of you is barely holding in her laughter. "What? What'd you do?" you asked, a combination of confusion and suspicion on your face.

The dam broke. She burst out laughing. "Check-" more laughter- "-your messages-" and with that, her ability to speak coherently dissipated into what every budding comedian hopes for. You quickly whip out your phone again, type the passcode in a flurry, and pull up your messages.

A new message, one you certainly did _not_ send, was displayed on the screen. There was no reply, not yet. Jade had sent something to someone you didn't know, or at least, someone you didn't have in your contacts.

Judging by recent events, it was that guy from Skaia.

Also, Jade didn't do a very good job of not being obvious.

To: Unknown Number  
From: John  
hey! i saw your profile on skaia. I was wondering if you wanted to meet sometime?

To: Unknown Number  
From: John  
oh! i'm john, btw :B

Sigh. Now you have to talk to him.

You decide to wait until the g- _Dave_ , you remind yourself- answers you. And, well, after you're done with your sister.

"Ugh. Jade! Contrary to popular belief, I do _not_ need a boyfriend! And just so you know, the _only_ reason I am talking to Dave is because you pretended to be me and messaged him!" You sigh. "Don't take this as an excuse to start messaging every stranger on the Internet, either."

Her smile could light up the world. She jumps up, hugs you, and squeals, overjoyed that you were actually willing to talk to the guy.

"Oh my gosh John thank you I promise you won't be disappointed and I hope you and Dave hit it off really well!" She was talking really fast. Any other human being wouldn't be able to tell what she was saying, but you were accustomed to Jade's rapid fire speak. You had to be, knowing your sister.

"It's fine Jade, as long as you don't do it again," you say, hugging her. It was a somewhat awkward hug, granted that she pounced on you like your dog, Bec, does to her.

Speaking of the dog, who should lumber in here but Becquerel. Jade detaches herself from you and moves over to the dog, who is wagging his tail like there's no tomorrow.

He does that pretty much every day, all day. Especially around Jade.

"Good dog, best friend," she says, her face so close to the dog's that she might as well be Eskimo kissing him. "Very good dog. Right, Bec?" Bec barks when Jade says his name, and she buries her head in the mountain of fur on his shoulder.

You decide that there are better things to do than watch Jade practically fangirl over the dog, you step around them and out the door. You give Bec a quick scratch behind the ear as you leave. You're not that cruel not to.

You walk back into the kitchen, the computer forgotten on the table. You sit down and look at the laptop. The profile for one Dave Strider still on screen.

Dammit. Jade was right. Dave is cute, shades and all.

As you read through everything on his profile, you begin to think. _Maybe this whole dating thing won't be so bad after all._

Your phone dings, screen lit up. You got a message from Dave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify, there's a "Send A Message" button on the profile screen, so Jade had pressed it and began typing, but she saw an opportunity when John leaned in to see what she was doing. Hence, Jade had grabbed the phone instead, because she had memorized the phone number of Dave that it had on the profile page.
> 
> In all actuality, I know nothing of dating websites or their profiles.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm winging this thing and writing as I go.


End file.
